Dear Amazon

I get it.  Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is popular.  I've read it.  I loved it.  But I'm tired of seeing it recommended to me every time I buy a book.  I even bought the books from you!  So please just turn it off!

Gratefully,
Me

Dear Man in Seat 18B

Your breath be hella hangry yo!  For flights longer than 2 hours, please either bring a toothbrush, buy a pack of gum, or eat a garlic & onion bagel.  I'd prefer any of these than the torture I'm dealing with having to sit next to you for 5 hours. 

Love,
Me

Dear Fifty Shades of Grey...

You've managed to make angry, controlling men fashionable.  And you've made me curious about anal beads.  Hmmm...how you do that?

Love,
Me