With that said, I'd like to share some tidbits to help you in your future with women. Consider it my "Mrs. Robinson" moment, only not rated R.
- Girls don't want to hear you urinate while on the phone with them. So, as much as I appreciate you giving me notice that you "have to piss" or "take a leak", I don't want to hear the actual act. Not hot.
- So, like, I get that you have to like, tell me a story, but like, I want to pull out like every eyelash every time I like hear you say "like". Like, ok?
- I can appreciate being a student (yes, he's a student...ack) and not having any money. But, the whole "you can be my Sugar Mama" thing is a major turn off. Show some ambition, get a job during your summer break (yes, he's on summer break...ack)
- And while you're at it, I don't want to hear about how you had cereal every meal for 2 days and then had peanut butter on a tortilla because you didn't have bread. Just makes me sad, really.
- Telling me how you haven't changed your sheets in "like, maybe a year" makes me want to vomit.
- Describing your room as "so not a 23 year old's room" yet displaying a Bob Marley poster and a big black bean bag in the corner says differently. Oh yeah, and that Japanese army poster you're so proud of...well, study some history...I'm Korean.
- If I was 25, maybe the "Asian girls are so fucking hot" compliment would make my heart warm, but really...that much enthusiasm kinda annoys me now.
- Anything more than 10 years is no longer counted in years, but rather generations. Take note.
Bless your heart for trying. I'm sorry girls your age don't "appreciate you". Keep pluggin', kid. Me: I'm too old, cranky, tired, and set in my ways to "chill" with you and "just have some fun". I think I need to find the closest retirement community, approach it as my dating pool, and see if I can't find me a "mature man" to return the favor and teach me a thing or two...
Love,
Me
